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The Aspecticor Times Raided By Albertan Paramilitary Forces
They are broaching our barricades. God help us all. If any one is out there just know we…
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Aspecticor To Do IRL Stream in Scary Haunted Mansion
Aspecticor, real name Stokeley Clevon Goulbourne, is set to visit the well-known ‘Luigi’s Mansion from Luigi’s Mansion’ Mansion.…
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DO NOT POST: Livestreamer and Hip-Hop Artist ‘Aspecticor’ Dead at (AGE)
(NOT FOR PUBLISHING UNTIL DEATH HAS BEEN THOROUGHLY CONFIRMED) The ‘Glizzy Conscience’ and ‘How Speedrunners Broke Meet Your…
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Aspecticor Booked for Meccha Chameleon Lobby With xQc, Destiny, Dane Cook, & More
New streamer- sorry, long-time streamer Aspecticor has struck gold after being invited to an illustrious group lobby in…
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Calgary Dentistry Raided for Allegedly Stealing Gum Samples for “Lab Grown Gum-Burgers”
In a dramatic multi-unit siege on a Calgary dentist office just this morning, heaps of evidence were discovered…
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Mounty to be Removed as Advice Columnist Effective Immediately
Oof, bad timing. Real sorry about this coincidence. I had no idea it was also Mounty’s birthday today,…
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What is the ‘MoonMoon Challenge’ in Hitman Freelancer?
I’ve seen a lot of people in chat and elsewhere confused on what the ‘MoonMoon Challenge’ is and…
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Horrifying: Entire Canadian High School Tattooed Due to Basketball Prodigy’s Bets
In a liability nightmare for one Toronto, Ontario high school, a stick-and-poke basketball dare challenge originating from a…
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Aspecticor Nabs Last Place on Speedrun.com 007 Purist Difficulty Leaderboard
Last place-elect Aspecticor has not yet been accepted onto the leaderboards, but expert analysts have concluded that his…
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Committing Flagrant Copyright Infringement by Republishing Aspect’s Sportskeeda Article with No Changes or Commentary
Twitch streamer Aspecticor breaks Hitman 3 World Record by one second In single-player games like Hitman Trilogy, records…
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Telefilm Canada Denies Streamer-Turned-Director Financing for Halifax Explosion Film
Early this morning Telefilm Canada, the Crown corporation that, among other things, funds Canadian filmmakers and their projects,…
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Maine Senate Race Heats Up After Platner Revealed To Have Watched Livestreamer ‘Aspecticor’
The boiling scandals Maine Democrats have faced are yet again bubbling higher. After revelations of Democrat Senate candidate…
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Oh My God Fine. You Win, Liberals. The Aspecticor Times Rainbows Up for Pride
Are you happy? You forced this heterosexual (I do NOT like men! I don’t! Please believe me!) patriot…
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Horrifying: Aspecticor Times Truck Turns Over, Millions in Sérum d’Aspect Fragrance Ruined.
Following the worldwide-celebrated announcement of Sérum d’Aspect, an Aspecticor Times truck turned over in the middle of the…
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Introducing: Sérum d’Aspect
A collaboration between The Aspecticor Times and the chemical engineers at Kraft Heinz, we are happy to announce…
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Thousands of Cases of Obscure Virus Previously Only Seen In Japanese Fish Populations Reported in Calgary
THIS WAS WRITTEN BEFORE THE MV HONDIUS HANTAVIRUS OUTBREAK WAS WIDESPREAD NATIONAL NEWS Total panic swept the room…
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Aspecticor Times Internal Memo: 50 Employees to be Laid Off, Eaten
Due to the economic turmoil following Aspecticor’s 2-week 3-week long break, we’ve had to make the painful decision…
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(EXCLUSIVE) Livestreamer ‘Aspecticor’ To Play Mike Myers in Biopic
Livestream “star” Andrew “Aspecticor” Will is tapped to play the ‘Austin Powers’ and ‘Shrek’ star in a yet…
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(EXCLUSIVE) Columbia to Produce ‘Concussion’ Remake But It’s About Queen’s University Rocket League. Smith to Return
With a script by… uh… Max Landis… woah that took a dive really quickly. I’m sorry that took…
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Calgary Man Wanted For Ambulance Theft, Vandalism
Hey, everyone, this has very little to do with Aspecticor but I saw this on my feed and…
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(EXCLUSIVE) Aspecticor To Pen Final Mini Crossword of Season
UPDATE: Nevermind lol Crossword outsourcing has officially gone too far. Before The Aspecticor Times Mini Crossword crosses the…
