Author: Cartwheel
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Maine Senate Race Heats Up After Platner Revealed To Have Watched Livestreamer ‘Aspecticor’
The boiling scandals Maine Democrats have faced are yet again bubbling higher. After revelations of Democrat Senate candidate Graham Platner’s nazi-affiliated tattoo and instances of unfaithfulness early in his marriage, it’s been discovered by opposition researchers that the ex-Marine and oyster farmer watched Canadian ‘Twitch’ livestreamer “Aspecticor” between 2022 and 2024, the worst news for his campaign yet.
As an active chatter, Platner would often send messages circa 2022 like “you can kill the target with the propane right there” and “do you know when marketing monday is?”
This may spell disaster for his campaign, as previous supporters are pulling away due to Platner’s perceived support for “Albertan ideology.”
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Oh My God Fine. You Win, Liberals. The Aspecticor Times Rainbows Up for Pride
Are you happy? You forced this heterosexual (I do NOT like men! I don’t! Please believe me!) patriot (I have NEVER said anything against our great eternal leader Rob Ford!) to deface his beautiful, beautiful website!
June’s my birthday month! I’m gonna have to cancel my No Loads Refused Birthday Bash (N.L.R.B.B) to grieve this forced vandalism, you bastards!
Happy pride!
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Horrifying: Aspecticor Times Truck Turns Over, Millions in Sérum d’Aspect Fragrance Ruined.
Following the worldwide-celebrated announcement of Sérum d’Aspect, an Aspecticor Times truck turned over in the middle of the road while trying to veer into a deer.
Police say they tried desperately to save the fragrance bottles, but ambulances blocked salvation efforts by wheeling out injured and deceased motorists.
A vigil will be had for the lost product in the streets of Ottawa, Kansas.
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How Can I Destroy Aspecticor’s Personal Life?
After yesterday’s revelation of my pure unbridled power, and Aspecticor’s ignoring of The Aspecticor Times website, I have decided to destroy Aspecticor’s personal life.
My first idea is to flood every GIF keyboard service with disparaging animated images with the “Aspecticor” tag, as it was revealed on Tuesday that Aspecticor’s offline friends discovered the ones I’ve already added.
I could also of course use my channels of this website, TAT’s social media accounts, and our sister YouTube, to propagate slanderous information calibrated to be as relevant as I can get to his real life.
“Streamer Drunkenly Attacks Virtual Caddy at Indoor Golf Facility” might be a good start. Should I tag Glizzy Golf? Maybe “Man Arrested for Impersonating Spice Shop Employee?”