October 27, 2026

Today’s Paper



Author: Cartwheel

  • Echoes of the Same Monster: The Lookalikes of Aspecticor

    Echoes of the Same Monster: The Lookalikes of Aspecticor

    Over the past few years, I started collecting accusations from chatters and others of people that Aspecticor allegedly looks like. This list is not an endorsement of these claims, some I plainly do not see even a little bit, but if a man sees the devil in the eyes of a passerby, it’s good to record their suspicions anyways.

    This is that list, and it will likely be updates in the future.

    Cameron Monaghan (Ian Gallagher (Shameless), Cal Kestis (Star Wars Jedi), Jerome (Gotham), Etc.)

    The classic.

    Will Poulter (Kenny (We’re The Millers), Gally (Maze Runner))

    I believe Aspecticor was originally accused of looking like “the kid with the eyebrows.”

    Sid (Toy Story)

    AspectiSid

    Atreus (God of War)

    Boy!

    “Twink from The Quarry”

    I forget who said this but I think it was another streamer?

    Alfred E. Neuman (Mad Magazine)

    I wish I could be as happy as Alfred E. Neuman.

    Skeet Ulrich as Billy Loomis (Scream)

    Eeeek!

    Mickey Mantle

    Oh my god I see it

    Unidentified Man from Los Angeles Times January 6 Capitol Riots Footage (Antifa Hoax)

    #WAKEUP

    Tintin

    Wait, that’s his actual name? You can be named that?

    Cyclops (X-Men)

    Maybe that door greeter was right…

    Frank Honey (LEGO City Undercover)

    1:1

    Thing 1

    Uncanny.

    Thing 2

    Even more uncanny.

    CapgunTom

    He does FIFA content.

    Arctic Grayling

    Like a mirror…

    Guy Fawkes Mask

    #WEAREANONYMOUS

    Daryl Sabara (Juni Cortez in Spy Kids)

    Does Meghan Trainor get cool spy gadgets?

    Noel Fisher (Mickey Milkovich in Shameless)

    TWO Shameless cast members?

    Eddie Redmayne

    ha. red mayne.

    Clint Stevens (R.I.P.)

    Why is he kinda mogging here

    Tom Holland (Lucas in The Impossible, Jip in Dolittle)

    Spider-man? huh? This is the guy from Spies in Disguise!

    KJ Apa (Archie in Riverdale)

    Jimmy Stewart, in the flesh.

    Britt Lower as Helly (Severance)

    When the innie of the of in the stream chat of in the outie in the game camera.

    Jeff Blim as Aladdin (StarKid’s Twisted)

    What nerd suggested this?

    Manny (Ice Age)

    Even got the 9 foot long tusks right!

    Chad (Malcom In The Middle)

    God-damnit it’s Cameron Monaghan again!!! Fuck!!!

    Seth Green

    More like Seth Kind-of-reddish

    Sir Nigel Thornberry (The Wild Thornberrys)

    Smashing!

    Machop (Pokémon)

    ?

    Knuckles (Knuckles)

    From his favorite game! Sonic Adventure 2!

    Mason Thames as Hiccup (How to Train Your Dragon)

    Jay Baruchel clears idgaf

    Thomas Barbusca

    Sure.

    Pat Riley

    I do not even remotely see it.

    Noah Poletiek as Twitch (Holes)

    Holes #1 film of all time.

    Todd Howard

    I see it.

    The Hamburglar (McDonald’s)

    Now HE has that shit on.

    Gossamer (Looney Tunes)

    Fuck is this thing?

    Syndrome (The Incredibles)

    How is he shaped like that?

    Aaron Tveit

    More like Aaron Theatreit.

    Magnus Midtbø

    Why’d he cross out the o does he not want it there

    Squeeky-Voiced Teen (The Simpsons)

    Even got the skin right!

    X.com user @bloodandleon

    The word spreads.

    MaxGGs

    Fellow streamer.

    Christopher (What Remains of Edith Finch)

    You can’t see his face but you can tell.

    Cole Caufield

    Canadiens? Did they mispell it?

    Isaac with this hair (Binding of Isaac)

    Uncanny.

    Cole Sprouse as Jughead (Riverdale)

    “Who names their kid Jughead?” 45,000 likes, 13,000 retweets.

    Leprechaun

    This feels wrong.

    Tim (Braid)

    Independent games journalism would be NOTHING without him.

    Reddit user u/Scrotiemcboogballs

    Horrifying roast. Immoral really.

    This guy Dgenerator noticed in a Hasan stream

    I’m on this shit man I’m a real journalist.

    Mullvad VPN

    You’re a grown man put on some overalls and a fedora like an adult Aspecticor.

  • The Many Impressions of Aspecticor

    The Many Impressions of Aspecticor

    Like many livestreamers, Aspecticor is incapable of forming his own identity, so he must imitate others. (sometimes he even imitates other people’s imitations!)

    Here is a list of origin videos of some Aspecticor stream impressions. Remember, many of these were likely taken from Northernlion.

    (Only impressions that have specific origins are included, as great as his Lin-Manuel and Bernie are those aren’t hinged on specific clips.)

    Ben Synthman’s Chris & Tony

    Jeremy Culhane’s Tucker Carlson

    Kevin Sanji’s Chris Hansen

    Counter-Strike player ScreaM reacting to KQLY’s VAC Ban

    The Duet Boomer’s “Mama Liz’s Chili Oil”

    Tammy Hull’s Jasper County Rant

    Frances Woodard’s uh. Whatever you call this.

    skylarurdone’s Trumpkin Masterpiece

    Denzel Washington as William “Whip” Whitaker Sr. in ‘Flight’

    This list is not comprehensive and may be updated in the future.

    (Back in my day this would’ve been a wiki article…)

  • Mounty to be Removed as Advice Columnist Effective Immediately

    Mounty to be Removed as Advice Columnist Effective Immediately

    Oof, bad timing.

    Real sorry about this coincidence. I had no idea it was also Mounty’s birthday today, this was decided weeks ago.

    It was decided by the panel after Mounty’s absence from the advice column hit the 80 day mark that he is to be removed and the secret $500,000 dollar grant he was to be given is to be nullified.

    The issue is I can’t actually seem to remove him or the advice column from the header of the website. I just hope he listens and removes himself on his own.

    Happy birthday Mounty! Stay out!

  • What is the ‘MoonMoon Challenge’ in Hitman Freelancer?

    What is the ‘MoonMoon Challenge’ in Hitman Freelancer?

    I’ve seen a lot of people in chat and elsewhere confused on what the ‘MoonMoon Challenge’ is and asking about it, so I’ve written this little guide to make this a less daunting question to answer.

    The MoonMoon Challenge’s rules are:

    • Must use the Freelancer Variations mod.
    • Must pick Silent Assassin prestige objectives when offered.
    • You cannot kill any women, even if they are targets.
    • You must pick a formal suit, none of that silly shit.
    • Mini-map must be turned off. Haven’t trusted any of that malarky since Waze came around. As a police officer, it makes keeping our roads safe harder.
    • You gotta follow and subscribe to all the social media links in the banner come onnnnnnn just do it already come onnnnnnnnnnnn.
    • Turn off Ambrose in the Freelancer Variations json cause that shit sucks.
    • Using the “Freelancer Items” Peacock plugin is punishable by 30 days in prison.
    • We don’t fuck with that Collateral Explosion prestige shit.
    • Every failed run you gotta earnestly respond to a porn bot’s DM.
    • You have to speak in the local accent of whatever map you are playing. I don’t make the rules! Sorry!
    • You have to play on Stadia.
    • Oyunu Türkçe oynamalısınız.
    • You are not allowed to sing, or even acknowledge the works of Steely Dan or Donald F*gen.
    • You have to actually pay attention and appreciate Diana’s dialogue, asshole.

    Hope this helps!