Category: Opinion

Nominations ended in November, and the award ceremony happened in December, but that does not mean the show is over.

If we “remove” enough of the competition, perhaps the award will be given retroactively to other people enough times the Golden Peepo will land in Aspecticor’s hands. We just have to hope the line of succession isn’t too long.

Looking back at the winners and nominees for Speedrun Streamer of the Year does make me feel a little bad, unfortunately the winner of Hidden Gem is a nice older woman who does puzzles. Kind of fucked up, Aspecticor, to endorse this article under this context?

Following the news, that we’re all well aware of, that Aspecticor will be shot with a high-dosage tranquilizer, I would like to point out all the rhetorical fallacies that the current Liberal Party government has made to justify their decision.

Appeal to Tradition

I know the Canadian government has shot that bitter night-night juice at a variety of citizens every year since 1982, but it is still wrong.

False Dilemma

No, Mr. Carney, we would not have to kill Aspecticor if we end the Tranq program, we shouldn’t be doing anything to Aspecticor.

Cum Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc

Can you say that?

Appeal to Carney

Honest I have a hard time with this too. The mandate of heaven is in your hands Mark.

Guilt by Association

Just because Aspecticor’s all buddy buddy with some folks at the Daily Wire does not mean he should be tranq’d.

Ad Hominem

Please stop calling me a “hacky crossword constructor” Carney. I’m crying now. Are you happy?

Cum Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc

Stop saying that. I don’t want to say it. Am I allowed to say this term?

Confirmation Bias

Just because a few other Tranq’d individuals were found by a bystander quick enough to not face long-term health problems, doesn’t mean Aspecticor won’t. Given his schedule he’s likely to be at home when it happens, Mr. Carney.

Columnist Cartwheel76, who has never played Blue Prince and has paid very little attention to Aspecticor’s gameplay, makes his case for why it’s not backseating, bro. I was just asking a question. Broooo you’re so sensitive. Brooooo XD.

Bro. Hold on. Red apple reversed is Elppa der. Try that. Aspecticor try that. @Aspecticor what is that flag behind you. Is it box number two? Bro your mods are so soft. I was just wondering. You should do hitman in real life. When is hitman horse. Do you mind if i go on a several messages long humorous diatribe about Sean Combs. Hitman in real life when. Wow hitman looks really different today. hey! can i ask a question? i’m an artist and i make emotes and design overlays, here’s my discord. when is hitman in real life.

Columnist Cartwheel76 compares Aspecticor’s use of the “Freelancer Items” Peacock Plugin to doping in professional sports.

DOES ANYONE know where to find the freelancer items mod

… wrote Aspecticor in the #hitman text channel in his Discord server.

One hour later, I, yes, me, I, myself, would forward the link for it. I knew what it was for, I knew his plans, and I still gave it to him.

I was the Emma O’Reilly to Aspecticor’s Lance Armstrong.

Is this my L.A. Confidentiel?

The Peacock plugin allows users to play Freelancer without having to grind for items. In fact, it allows you to not have to acquire items at all. You can lose items mid-run and return to them in your safehouse. This is a clear violation of gamer’s integrity, as any YouTube commenter will tell you.

It saves time? Sure. So does doping in the Tour de France. Does it make for a better viewer experience? Sure. I’m sure the Peter Thiel funded “Enhanced Games” will be a nice watch. Also, a bit funny this is coming from the same streamer who added a wheel spin that made him not talk for 10 minutes, the pinnacle of user retention.

Was it worth it? Stripping your integrity? Leaving yourself vulnerable to YouTube commenters? The latter of which is likely worse than any poisoning of the blood doping drugs can do to you.

A.B. Confidentiel comes to bookshelves in June, courtesy of La Martinière Publishing.