October 25, 2026

Today’s Paper



Livestreamer ‘Aspecticor’ Calls for the “Execution of Telefilm” and “Dissolution of Canadian Cinema”

After an ambush interview at a local Anti-Cinéma (That’s French for “Anti-Cinema”) protest, Canadian livestreamer Aspecticor made clear that he “don’t not [sic] fuck with that movie shit.”

“If I wanted to see a guy pretend to be a guy I’d just pretend to be the guy pretending to be the guy pretending to be the guy” said the videogamer, wearing a Guy Fawkes mask painted green. “I’m Shrek. See how stupid that shit is? Fuck you Mike Myers.”

He was seen amongst a slew of other protesters holding signs that said things like “CanCon should ban ALL MOVIES. Foreign and Canadian.” and “EXILE JACOB TREMBLAY.”

Aspecticor was promptly arrested by an RCMP officer for shouting “if they want to shoot films so bad why don’t we shoot THEM?” as he pointed at CBC employees walking to work.